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 DEMOCRATS 62% 68,785 votes for Democrats listed by order of finish Barack Obama Hillary Clinton OUT endorsed Obama John Edwards OUT endorsed Obama Bill Richardson OUT endorsed Obama Joe Biden OUT endorsed Obama Chris Dodd OUT endorsed Obama Dennis Kucinich OUT endorsed Obama Mike Gravel OUT joined Libertarian Party |
 REPUBLICANS 38% 41,771 votes for Republicans listed by order of finish John McCain Mike Huckabee OUT endorsed McCain Mitt Romney OUT endorsed McCain Ron Paul OUT endorsed 3rd party candidates Rudy Giuliani OUT endorsed McCain Fred Thompson OUT endorsed McCain Duncan Hunter OUT endorsed Huckabee Tom Tancredo OUT endorsed Huckabee |
| POLITICAL READING ROOM |
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| One-click logo links to Unted States daily newspapers and televison news stations... |
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 Obama Holds RehearsalsThe Obama administration is shaping up in harmony... Obama wants the Obama Players ready to perform on day one in January 2009. November 19. Chicago Vocal Studios |
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| New Republican Leadership Hannity and Limbaugh to do all the thinking for GOP millions... McCain's loss was their gain so after spending a celebratory getaway weekend the power couple decided that GOP right-wingers will be retrained to parrot and mimic Sean and Rush more perfectly. November 10. Rightway Log Cabin Resort |
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| New Racing Season Begins First dude plows to lead after Gov. Palin starts annual event... Palin arrived by snowmobile wearing the traditional snowqueen starters outfit. November 9. Moose Toe Raceway Wasilla AK |
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| Baby Please Don't Go Sarah Palin has gone home leaving her fans longing... Hope is alive for a return to the lower 48 if Governor Palin appoints herself Senator Palin. November 7. Palin Fan Club HQ |
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| Obama Climbs Mountaintop The hopes and dreams of millions have finally been realized... History was made as Barack Obama has shattered the color barrier forever. November 5. Mount Martin Luther King USA |
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| Obama Reaches Finish Line President-elect Obama wins big in a national landslide... Obama was moving like a champion down the stretch... November 4, 2008. Presidential Derby Winners Circle |
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| Early Voters Favor Obama One day left in longest election of a lifetime... Voters are being reminded to vote everywhere they go. November 3 Swing State Sports Arena. |
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| Obama Yes We Dooby-doo Obama makes history as new top dawg and leader of the pack... No matter what breed of dawg it's a great day for all Americans. November 4. Chicago Celebration Park |
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| Sarah Goes Both Ways Sarah Palin usually winks right but sometimes winks left... Sarah Palin is a favorite among compulsive conservative winkers and non-thinkers. October 25. Winkersville West Virginia |
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| Dumb and Plumber Joe snakes new swamp as uneducated McCain surrogate... Joe the Plumber is now campaigning with John the POW and Sarah the Mooseslayer. October 24. McCain Campaign HQ |
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| Drudge Reports Hoax McCain barn instantly falls for hoax and looks foolish again... A shamed Matt Drudge now wears his backwards B as repentence for blogging sins. October 23. Drudgens and Dragons OTB |
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| McCain Approved Outfits Republicans spend $150,000 playing dress-up with Sarah... Audit shows another $15,000 spent on hair, make-up and camel wax. October 21. McCain Ranch Honeymoon Cabin AZ |
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| McCain Losing In Nevada The craps table has not often been kind to angry gamblers... Experts say angry gamblers often lose control and crap out in the game of craps. October 17. Palms Casino Las Vegas |
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| McCain Needs Comeback Republican says "We've got 'em right where we want 'em"... Going into the final debate McCain is going to have to pull out all the stops. October 14. Presidential Debate Round 3 |
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| Sarah Seeks Swing Voters Sarah Palin campaigns in NHL hockey team locker room... Players were not overly impressed since the local TV female sports anchor is hot. October 11. Penguins Locker Room PA |
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| Sarah: "He's An Animal" Palin watchers say First Dude has never been so romantic... Todd Palin reasons that as long as we're in politics we'll need new voters. October 10. Beaverville Airport Nebraska |
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| Cindy Flips Wig At Obama McCains in Ohio spew angry personal attacks on Obamas... Cindy got so mad it was several seconds before she realized her wig flew off. October 9. McCain Rally Heartland OH OTB |
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| McCain Loves A Maverick Sarah Palin says we're darn happy goin' round campaignin'... Sarah's "Maverick" tattoo on her lower back is said to delight McCain endlessly. October 8. McCain Luxury Condo #11 |
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| McMaverick Needs Flush Maverick Gal Palin deals ace of spades off bottom of deck... McCain's maverick surge betting strategy hasn't paid off yet and his chips are now all in on a weak hand. October 6. McCain Mountain Maverick Saloon |
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| Palin Preps For Debate Says Miss Alaska contest was good preparation for politics... McCain chose Sarah because she has all the right assets he feels most comfortable with. September 27. McCain Mountain Practice Debate Room |
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| Kissinger Tries Diplomacy Kissinger wants one hour weekly private sessions with Sarah... Sarah said she couldn't understand a word said because of his thick accent but otherwise everything went great. September 24. Kissinger Deli & OTB |
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| Bush Begs For Mercy Bush needs $666 billion to buy back soul he sold years ago... Bush's day of reckoning is coming and his pain will be eternal and in Hell which is much worse than El Paso. September 24. Deep in the Heart of Texas |
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| 13 Cars 8 Homes $100M First Lady McCain will keep in touch with the little people... As the owner of 2 private jet planes she can attend ceremonies in her honor too far away to travel by limousine. September 22. McCain Mountain Private Expressway |
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| Honeymoon Bulge Gone Palin lipstick not able to keep McCain up in latest polls... McCain's strategy to create a new surge reportedly includes a blonde wig and a private jet ride with Sarah. September 18. McCain Change Daily Rally |
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| Grandpa Made A Big Mess Economic meltdown due to deregulation philosophy... Republicans McCain and Gramm were the leading advocates of deregulation... September 17. Springfield Town Hall |
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| Sarah Palin No Tina Fey Amy Poehler knows Tina and says Sarah not comparable... Amy says there's no way Sarah Palin is even half as talented as Tina Fey. September 15. SNL Monday Breakfast |
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| McCains Deboned On View Cindy says of TV show hosts "they picked our bones clean!"... The Senator lied to defend lies and Cindy refused to say how many nests they own... September 13. The View Aerial TV |
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| Abstinence Class Expands Palin welcomed home by Alaskan abstinence class students... A baby boom from Alaskan unwed teenage girls proves abstinence from sex education and contraceptives is a highly effective means of creating more babies. September 10. Alaska Welcome Home Sarah Rally |
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| Love Republican Style Giddy Grandpa swoons like a lovestruck teenager... Meanwhile Cindy McCain has been busy jewelry and clothes shopping and flying cross-country in her private jet... September 8. McCain Love Bus One |
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| Grandpa Falls In Love McCain's dream girl now running mate, "Ain't she sweet!"... McCain may be 72 years old but he says he feels a frisky 44 lately. September 7. Ohio Holiday Inn Presidential Suite |
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| McCain says George Who? McCain hiding from George Bush while seeking White House... McCain did not once mention the name George Bush at the GOP convention.. September 6. White House Oil Field One |
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| McCain Roars To Life Says FIGHT WITH ME 27 times amid chants of P...O...W... McCain reiterated for the 2,276th time that he survived almost 6 years as a POW in the Viet Nam war. September 4. Minneapolis Arena of Natural History |
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| GOP Party In Progress Hurricane blows Bush and Cheney out of town... McCain made the conservative evangelical right wing of the party delirious with his flat earth running mate. September 3. Minneapolis Convention Center |
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| McCain Still Former POW POW story losing 24/7 news coverage to Palin roadkill crisis... McCain reiterated that he survived 6 years as a POW by creating mental fantasies of fertile white beauty queens. September 3. PBS Docudrama POW...Prison, Sex and Politics |
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| Putin's Red Nose Revenge Tony Tiger shot in retaliation for shooting death of Rudolph... Santa speaks 114 languages including Russian and reaction to his tearful tirade has sparked international outrage. September 2. PBS Docudrama Tigerkistan Triangle...Trial of Tigers |
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| Santa Cancels Christmas "Sarah Palin shot Rudolph the Reindeer... kiss my Alaska!"... Santa's voice cracked during his emotional and tearful tirade saying "Just a freaking caribou to you!" September 1. PBS Docudrama Santa's Artic Circle...Ring of Destruction |
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| McCain Offers Sex Change McCain swoons for soulmate Palin after eHarmony match up... Palin's belief in teaching creationism and abstinence-only sex education, opposition to abortion (even rape and incest), rejection of global warming as a hoax, and call for a ban on stem cell research, made for a 98% eHarmony match and won McCain's heart immediately. August 31. McCain-Palin Ticket Debut Rally |
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| McCain Searched His Soul McCain campaign insider describes VP selection process... McCain looked far to the north where the sun doesn't shine to find the most unqualified VP nominee in history. August 30. McCain Practice Mansion Bathroom #6 |
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| White House Bunny McCain chooses first Republican female VP running mate... McCain shocked everybody by selecting Sarah Palin, a 44 year-old former beauty queen and current Alaska Governor. Cindy, age 54, has been demoted from First Lady to House Bunny. August 29. McCain Arizona Practice Mansion |
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| Mile High Fire Works Obama guts McCain on policies, temperment and judgement... Obama thrilled 85,000 supporters, laid out specific policies, blasted McCain and unified the Democratic party. August 28. Mile High Stadium Denver |
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| For The Love Of God! Biden prays for "No sequel to this tragedy of the last 8 years"... Delaware Senator Joe Biden accepted the Democratic nomination for Vice President and called the Bush/McCain foreign and economic policies abysmal failures. August 27. Democratic Convention |
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| Enough Already Goddamit! Americans eager to say NO to 4 more years of the last 8 years... George Bush and John McCain are one and the same on 95% of all issues and were both named outstanding contributors to the cause of world confligration at an event almost a mile beneath the President's ranch in Texas. August 24. Crawford Caverns Annual Hellicious BBQ |
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| Homes Sweet Homes Forgetful McCain prepares for move into White House... McCain had prepared a soundbite but left his notecard in one of his 26 bathrooms. August 22. McCain Realty Auction |
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| Drill Here Drill Now McCain hits gusher of mindless slogans for undecided voters... McCain promises more real simple slogans for real simple people. August 20. McCain Practice Mansion |
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| The Purpose Driven Lie McCain not in "cone of silence" in clever magic trick... Obama, TV viewers and a church audience were skillfully duped by master magician/author/pastor Rick Warren. August 19. Rich White Neighborhood News |
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| McCain Tells Fairy Tale No whopper too big for McCain and Republican faithful... A new ad being prepared has Jesus Christ himself looking into a camera and endorsing McCain. August 19. Saddleback Church Video Production Studio |
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| McCain Story Plagarized McCain's compelling POW story stolen by dead Russian... "As he waited, head down, he felt a presence. Slowly he looked up and saw a skinny old prisoner sqaut down beside him. The man said nothing. Instead, he used a stick to trace in the dirt the sign of the Cross."A Solzhenitsyn Gulag Archipelago August 18, 1961. KGB News Napkin Book Review |
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| Cone Of Silence? McCain eavesdropping shocks church security guard... McCain condones eavesdropping and plagarism in cases of national security. August 17. Saddleback Church Cone Of Silence |
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| McCain Pans Putin Eyes McCain looked deep but only saw a K, a G, and a B... President Bush apparently misread the letters as a K, a F, and a C. August 14. KGB News Napkin and KFC Menu |
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| Warmongers On Warpath Old men eager to see Armegeddon before Alzheimer's sets in... McCain strategists called the Russian invasion of Georgia a plus for the elderly candidate's campaign and enough to offset McCain's TV's worst comedy act award. August 14. Chickenhawk's Finger Lickin' Lounge |
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| Bush Goes For War Record War President eager to start record third war while in office... Bush is ready to send troops to attack Russians in Georgia on a collossal suicide mission but if he also attacked Iran he could start a Satan-pleasing fourth war and assure his immortality. August 14. White House Master Bathroom Mirror |
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| Georgia On His Mind Obama soulfully promises to defend Ray Charles homeland... Charles family fears Russia invaded Georgia to steal Ray's master recordings. August 13. Moscow Blockbuster Blues Blowout |
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| Mac On The Idiot Box McCain named worst comedy act to have 100 TV appearances... McCain edged out Nipsy Russell by not getting a single laugh during his 17th appearance on The Daily Show. August 12. Celebrity Bee List News |
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| Ridge In VP Olympics McCain feels comfortable with a war hero as his butler... Tom Ridge hasn't carried water since serving as an Army Sargeant in Viet Nam. August 10. McCain Practice Mansion |
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| McCain Comforts Edwards McCain confided he was also once an adulterous scumbag... McCain was 42 when he dumped his wife and kids for a 24 year old Miss Buffalo Chip. August 9. Adulterers Anonymous |
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| Bush/Cheney War Crimes Cheney ordered forged documents that led to Iraq invasion... Both men deserve to be prosecuted and if proven guilty...nah...that won't happen. August 11. SUSSKIND OTB & DELI |
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| Cindy Shipped To Belgium McCain approves sale of Cindy to foreign-owned corporation... Cindy's personal shoppers and their staff will all lose their jobs. August 9. DHL Bon Voyage Party Central OH |
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| Obama Family Related Father, mother and two daughters all live in same house... At least one grandparent on both sides of the family are younger than McCain. August 7. Obama Family Photo Night SD |
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| Romney Too Ready Mitt more than eager to dig into Vice Presidential duties... President McCain looks like he has both feet in the grave next to vibrant Vice President Romney. August 6. McCain White House 2011 |
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| Born To Be Wild And Funny Miss Buffalo Chip keeps comedian McCain's motor running... McCain defended entering Cindy in the Sturgis Miss Buffalo Chip contest and added "Va va va Voom!" August 6. Sturgis Wild Hair Salon |
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| McCains Wow Biker Gang Comedian McCain enters Cindy in bawdy beauty contest... Dozens of Sturgis bound bikers revved their Harley-Davidsons in a roar of approval. August 5. Harley Horse Camp SD |
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| McCain New Comedy King Comedian claims victories in both French Fry revolutions... McCain says he's "the One" who knows how to win wars. August 4. McCain Mountain Food Court Throne Room. |
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| Biggest Joke In The World? McCain says his Obama attack ad is a hilarious sidesplitter... McCain added it would a be kneeslapper but after years of dealing with the Bush administration he doesn't bend over anymore. August 2. McCain Improv Comedy Club |
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| Weird Ad Mystery Solved Who's the biggest celebrity in the world of slime politics?... Bizarre new RoveWorld ads are calculated to help McCain somehow. August 1. RoveWorld Media Bldg. |
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| Cantor Ready To Serve Virginia Congressman can help teach McCain how to email... Unknown public servant has temperment to be compatible with McCain. August 2. McCain VP HQ. |
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| Scooby Doo On Short List Vetting process for the Obama family dog almost complete... Barack has promised his children a dog but how big a dog remains undecided. July 30. Chicago Adopt-A-Dog Days |
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| McCain Whacks A Mole McCain was upset that the mole upstaged his oil well skit... McCain stood in the hot sun to say that skin cancer patients should stay out of the hot sun. July 29. McChevron Oilfield #6. |
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| Globetrotter Obama Scores Obama addresses Unity Convention of minority journalists... Barack just back from abroad spoke for 40 minutes without any turnovers or personal fouls. July 28. Chicago Unity Dome |
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| Mac Attacks Obama Trip McCain thinks successful Obama trip was pretentious... McCain was just in Canada, Columbia and Mexico but no one seemed to notice. July 27. McCain/Blackbird Security Inc. |
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| Obama Weak On Defense Obama scores with troops despite lax defense on jump shots... Obama blamed his weak defense on a sore hip from yesterday's game in Afghanistan. July 26. US Army Halliburton Arena |
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| Portman Ready To Serve Ohioan has temperment to be compatible with McCain... McCain received advice from the Burger King on VP selection. July 25. McCain Mountain VP Selection Commitee |
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| Pawlenty Ready To Serve Minnesotan has temperment to be compatible with McCain... McCain received advice from the Burger King on VP selection. July 24. McCain Mountain VP Selection Commitee |
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| McCain Declares Victory Bush awards McCain Silver Star for incongruous victory spin... McCain's battle was waged against the Bush administration, who for years resisted a 10% increase in troop numbers in Iraq. McCain urged all Americans to celebrate McCain's victory. July 23. War College Class Reunion Photo Booth |
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| McCain Visits King King offers McCain part-time job in case of November defeat... McCain's ambidexterous ability to flip burgers pleases the King greatly. July 24. Manchester Burger King Castle. |
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| Banned in Baghdad Iraqi leader Maliki no fan of surf music, likes Obama diddy... McCain's diplomatic efforts will require a new theme song. July 22. KRAQ Radio Baghdad Bottom 100 Countdown. |
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| Obama Hears New Mix Petraeus lays down new tracks without Bush overdubs... A&R dept. says the unfiltered realistic tone of the new tracks is a breath of fresh air. July 21. Big RaQ Records Baghdad. |
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| Rudy Manboobs Enormous Giuliani packs on pounds since humiliating primary defeat... McCain was shocked by the sight of his former once thin rival. July 19. Yankee Stadium All Star Contest. |
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| Terminator Says Not Here California future not connected to offshore oil drilling... The governor says research on alternate energy sources is progressing rapidly. July 19. California Tourism Council. |
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| McCain Flip About Flops Senator McCain on both sides of flip-flop issue... McCain is simultaneously on offense and defense in a seesaw battle. July 19. McCain Mountain Press Box OTB |
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| SUPER BRIGHT HID LOOK HALOGEN HEADLIGHT BULBS FOR CARS, TRUCKS AND SUVS - HEADLIGHT BULBS FOR STREET OR SHOW |
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Why Your Vote for President Matters |
 Osama Bin Laden Interactive Executions |
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