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![]() DEMOCRATS 62% 68,785 votes for Democrats listed by order of finish Barack Obama Hillary Clinton OUT endorsed Obama  John Edwards OUT endorsed Obama Bill Richardson OUT endorsed Obama Joe Biden OUT endorsed Obama Chris Dodd OUT endorsed Obama Dennis Kucinich OUT endorsed Obama Mike Gravel OUT joined Libertarian Party |
![]() REPUBLICANS 38% 41,771 votes for Republicans listed by order of finish John McCain Mike Huckabee OUT endorsed McCain Mitt Romney OUT endorsed McCain Ron Paul OUT endorsed 3rd party candidates Rudy Giuliani OUT endorsed McCain Fred Thompson OUT endorsed McCain Duncan Hunter OUT endorsed Huckabee Tom Tancredo OUT endorsed Huckabee |
| POLITICAL READING ROOM |
| One-click logo links to Unted States daily newspapers and televison news stations... |
Obama Holds RehearsalsThe Obama administration is shaping up in harmony... Obama wants the Obama Players ready to perform on day one in January 2009. November 19. Chicago Vocal Studios |
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Baby Please Don't GoSarah Palin has gone home leaving her fans longing... Hope is alive for a return to the lower 48 if Governor Palin appoints herself Senator Palin. November 7. Palin Fan Club HQ |
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Obama Reaches Finish LinePresident-elect Obama wins big in a national landslide... Obama was moving like a champion down the stretch... November 4, 2008. Presidential Derby Winners Circle |
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Early Voters Favor ObamaOne day left in longest election of a lifetime... Voters are being reminded to vote everywhere they go. November 3 Swing State Sports Arena. |
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Obama Yes We Dooby-dooObama makes history as new top dawg and leader of the pack... No matter what breed of dawg it's a great day for all Americans. November 4. Chicago Celebration Park |
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Dumb and PlumberJoe snakes new swamp as uneducated McCain surrogate... Joe the Plumber is now campaigning with John the POW and Sarah the Mooseslayer. October 24. McCain Campaign HQ |
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Drudge Reports HoaxMcCain barn instantly falls for hoax and looks foolish again... A shamed Matt Drudge now wears his backwards B as repentence for blogging sins. October 23. Drudgens and Dragons OTB |
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McCain Approved OutfitsRepublicans spend $150,000 playing dress-up with Sarah... Audit shows another $15,000 spent on hair, make-up and camel wax. October 21. McCain Ranch Honeymoon Cabin AZ |
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McCain Losing In NevadaThe craps table has not often been kind to angry gamblers... Experts say angry gamblers often lose control and crap out in the game of craps. October 17. Palms Casino Las Vegas |
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McCain Needs ComebackRepublican says "We've got 'em right where we want 'em"... Going into the final debate McCain is going to have to pull out all the stops. October 14. Presidential Debate Round 3 |
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Sarah Seeks Swing VotersSarah Palin campaigns in NHL hockey team locker room... Players were not overly impressed since the local TV female sports anchor is hot. October 11. Penguins Locker Room PA |
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Sarah: "He's An Animal"Palin watchers say First Dude has never been so romantic... Todd Palin reasons that as long as we're in politics we'll need new voters. October 10. Beaverville Airport Nebraska |
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Cindy Flips Wig At ObamaMcCains in Ohio spew angry personal attacks on Obamas... Cindy got so mad it was several seconds before she realized her wig flew off. October 9. McCain Rally Heartland OH OTB |
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McCain Loves A MaverickSarah Palin says we're darn happy goin' round campaignin'... Sarah's "Maverick" tattoo on her lower back is said to delight McCain endlessly. October 8. McCain Luxury Condo #11 |
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Grandpa Made A Big MessEconomic meltdown due to deregulation philosophy... Republicans McCain and Gramm were the leading advocates of deregulation... September 17. Springfield Town Hall |
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Sarah Palin No Tina FeyAmy Poehler knows Tina and says Sarah not comparable... Amy says there's no way Sarah Palin is even half as talented as Tina Fey. September 15. SNL Monday Breakfast |
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Grandpa Falls In LoveMcCain's dream girl now running mate, "Ain't she sweet!"... McCain may be 72 years old but he says he feels a frisky 44 lately. September 7. Ohio Holiday Inn Presidential Suite |
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McCain says George Who?McCain hiding from George Bush while seeking White House... McCain did not once mention the name George Bush at the GOP convention.. September 6. White House Oil Field One |
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Homes Sweet HomesForgetful McCain prepares for move into White House... McCain had prepared a soundbite but left his notecard in one of his 26 bathrooms. August 22. McCain Realty Auction |
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Drill Here Drill NowMcCain hits gusher of mindless slogans for undecided voters... McCain promises more real simple slogans for real simple people. August 20. McCain Practice Mansion |
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Cone Of Silence?McCain eavesdropping shocks church security guard... McCain condones eavesdropping and plagarism in cases of national security. August 17. Saddleback Church Cone Of Silence |
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McCain Pans Putin EyesMcCain looked deep but only saw a K, a G, and a B... President Bush apparently misread the letters as a K, a F, and a C. August 14. KGB News Napkin and KFC Menu |
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Georgia On His MindObama soulfully promises to defend Ray Charles homeland... Charles family fears Russia invaded Georgia to steal Ray's master recordings. August 13. Moscow Blockbuster Blues Blowout |
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Ridge In VP OlympicsMcCain feels comfortable with a war hero as his butler... Tom Ridge hasn't carried water since serving as an Army Sargeant in Viet Nam. August 10. McCain Practice Mansion |
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McCain Comforts EdwardsMcCain confided he was also once an adulterous scumbag... McCain was 42 when he dumped his wife and kids for a 24 year old Miss Buffalo Chip. August 9. Adulterers Anonymous |
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Bush/Cheney War CrimesCheney ordered forged documents that led to Iraq invasion... Both men deserve to be prosecuted and if proven guilty...nah...that won't happen. August 11. SUSSKIND OTB & DELI |
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Cindy Shipped To BelgiumMcCain approves sale of Cindy to foreign-owned corporation... Cindy's personal shoppers and their staff will all lose their jobs. August 9. DHL Bon Voyage Party Central OH |
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Obama Family RelatedFather, mother and two daughters all live in same house... At least one grandparent on both sides of the family are younger than McCain. August 7. Obama Family Photo Night SD |
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McCains Wow Biker GangComedian McCain enters Cindy in bawdy beauty contest... Dozens of Sturgis bound bikers revved their Harley-Davidsons in a roar of approval. August 5. Harley Horse Camp SD |
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McCain New Comedy KingComedian claims victories in both French Fry revolutions... McCain says he's "the One" who knows how to win wars. August 4. McCain Mountain Food Court Throne Room. |
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Weird Ad Mystery SolvedWho's the biggest celebrity in the world of slime politics?... Bizarre new RoveWorld ads are calculated to help McCain somehow. August 1. RoveWorld Media Bldg. |
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Cantor Ready To ServeVirginia Congressman can help teach McCain how to email... Unknown public servant has temperment to be compatible with McCain. August 2. McCain VP HQ. |
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Scooby Doo On Short ListVetting process for the Obama family dog almost complete... Barack has promised his children a dog but how big a dog remains undecided. July 30. Chicago Adopt-A-Dog Days |
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Mac Attacks Obama TripMcCain thinks successful Obama trip was pretentious... McCain was just in Canada, Columbia and Mexico but no one seemed to notice. July 27. McCain/Blackbird Security Inc. |
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Obama Weak On DefenseObama scores with troops despite lax defense on jump shots... Obama blamed his weak defense on a sore hip from yesterday's game in Afghanistan. July 26. US Army Halliburton Arena |
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Portman Ready To ServeOhioan has temperment to be compatible with McCain... McCain received advice from the Burger King on VP selection. July 25. McCain Mountain VP Selection Commitee |
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Pawlenty Ready To ServeMinnesotan has temperment to be compatible with McCain... McCain received advice from the Burger King on VP selection. July 24. McCain Mountain VP Selection Commitee |
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McCain Visits KingKing offers McCain part-time job in case of November defeat... McCain's ambidexterous ability to flip burgers pleases the King greatly. July 24. Manchester Burger King Castle. |
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Banned in BaghdadIraqi leader Maliki no fan of surf music, likes Obama diddy... McCain's diplomatic efforts will require a new theme song. July 22. KRAQ Radio Baghdad Bottom 100 Countdown. |
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Obama Hears New MixPetraeus lays down new tracks without Bush overdubs... A&R dept. says the unfiltered realistic tone of the new tracks is a breath of fresh air. July 21. Big RaQ Records Baghdad. |
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Rudy Manboobs EnormousGiuliani packs on pounds since humiliating primary defeat... McCain was shocked by the sight of his former once thin rival. July 19. Yankee Stadium All Star Contest. |
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Terminator Says Not HereCalifornia future not connected to offshore oil drilling... The governor says research on alternate energy sources is progressing rapidly. July 19. California Tourism Council. |
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McCain Flip About FlopsSenator McCain on both sides of flip-flop issue... McCain is simultaneously on offense and defense in a seesaw battle. July 19. McCain Mountain Press Box OTB |
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