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| Daily Racing Rag SPECIAL REPORT: The Presidential Campaign of Senator John McCain R-AZ |
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 McCain Calls Obama NaiveBush campaigns for McCain cash and unimpeached legacy... Bush has been collecting McCain campaign contributions from his own mega donors. May 31. Rio Grande Caverns TX |
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| Get Fit! Retirement Over McCain plan solves Social Security deficit problem overnight... Under the McCain plan anyone younger than Senator McCain has to go back to work. May 30. McCain Mountain Auditorium |
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| Satan Okays 4 More Years Pledges $666 million to Republican nominee after Bush plea... President Bush was hailed as an outstanding contributor to the cause of world confligration. May 29. Hell Awards Roast |
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| McCain Meets Bush Donor Bush helps McCain raise millions at secretive fundraiser... McCain has suffered from poor fundraising up until tonight's closed to press and cameras event. May 28. El Paso Texas |
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| The Queen Of Beers Cindy McCain is 3rd largest Budweiser distributor in America... Tax returns show Cindy as owner still draws a salary of $296,000 per year. As First Lady Cindy could help over six million beer drinkers jailed while enjoying her products. May 24. McCain Mountain Beverage Center |
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| Original $6 Million Man Likes to vaporize mosquitos with enhanced laser vision... The Senator received a clean bill of health today. Doctors said his body had accepted hundreds of advanced nanomachine and cryptochip implants. May 24. Pentagon Top Secret Medical Clinic and Day Spa |
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| Old Man O' War Returns McCain rides 2004 winner and oldest horse in political history... George Bush the self-titled "War President" rode the same old political warhorse to victory last in 2004. The old gray horse is slow but always finishes well in fear mongering times. May 20. McCain Armory Barn |
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| McCain Mulls VP Choice 71 year old McCain wants a VP with comparable experience... Vice Presidential candidates have been arriving daily at McCain headquarters to be interviewed for the job. May 19. McCain Campaign National Headquarters Sun City AZ |
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| McCain's American Vision Worth over $50 million Cindy's economy is peachy right now... As First Lady, Cindy McCain wants to make things even peachier by the year 2013. May 17. McCain Future Kitchen Exhibit |
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| McCain Goes Green Calls for immediate deployment of eco-friendly death ray... As President, McCain would use ecologically friendly weaponry when possible in future U.S. military invasions. May 16. Yellowstone Missile and Death Ray Test Range |
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| Not White Enough To Win Experts say mustard mouth is problem in image obsessed era... In the age of "American Idol" and dental implants undecided voters may not respond to a mustard colored smile. May 10. Thomasson Oak Furniture Dental Division |
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| Republican Rat Pack Republicans unite to raise money for Republican candidates... President Bush brought down the house recalling his favorite Dick Cheney anecdote. May 9. GOP Hotel Washington D.C. |
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| McCain Orders Air Strike McCain fires missiles in response to bad temper question... Senator McCain has become increasingly annoyed at constant questions about his notoriously bad temper. May 8. Michigan GMC Weapons Division Air Show |
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| Senator A Channel Surfer McCain says he's learned how to operate tv remote control... Senator McCain was explaining how he handles bad news from Iraq and criticism of himself by television pundits. May 5. Cinco De Mayo Tequila Festival AZ |
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| McCain Memories Fuzzy Almost 40 years after captivity McCain story questioned... A Texas group going by the name Banana Boat Veterans for Truth has questioned McCain's POW recollections. May 4. Universal Movie City Apedome |
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| McCain's SOL Health Plan Senator McCain says your bad health is your own damn fault... John McCain spoke of personal responsibility to a roomful of permanently disabled smokers in wheelchairs. April 29. Rockville Indiana Health Clinic and Veterinary Services |
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| McCain Raises Few Fronds McCain's tour of forgotten places forgettable for fundraising... John McCain spoke of old time values to a crowd estimated at half a dozen. April 28. Fernville/Ponduck County Seat |
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| WHAT GODDAM TEMPER? IT'S NOT A PROBLEM IF YOU'D JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT... John McCain seemed annoyed when interrupted while training camels. April 23. Baghdad Camel Club Training Track |
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| Camel Jock Backs McCain Grateful Iraqi camel jockey finds riches in pickup camel races... Since the U.S. occupation began the Iraqi countryside has been awash in CIA funded one hundred dollar bills and camel racing now brings big money to even small racing events. One camel jockey said he'll soon have enough U.S. currency to retire in Dubai with six or seven teenage wives... April 19. Baghdad Camel Club Raceway |
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| McCain Foreclosure Plan McCain may offer used FEMA trailers to foreclosed families... McCain mathematics wizards say the 11,000 leftover FEMA trailers from Katrina would go a long way towards helping the estimated two million families losing their homes this year... April 1. McCain AFB MS |
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| McClueless On Economy McCain non-plan means struggling homeowners SOL... McCain has no plan for the economy and absolutely no plan for the mortgage meltdown. Since McCain is a war hero and was a prisoner of war 40 years ago he reasons that losing your family home is just a minor inconvenience for your family by comparison. McCain says stop whining... March 26. McCain Mountain Nuclear Resistant News Bunker |
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| It's The Economy McStupid Young Americans want jobs and futures not honorable death... Impoverished young Americans don't like McCain's message to join the military as way to avoid a gang related death or a long prison sentence for drug crimes. Typical young man on the street reactions were "No thanks Senator, I'd rather dumpster dive than be bomb bait up Shiite creek."... March 25. McCain Mountain News Bunker A |
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| McWar Not Love Angry Senator John McDeath needs soldiers for endless war... McCain urged all impoverished young Americans to join the military as way to avoid a gang related death or a long prison sentence for drug crimes. At least that way, McCain reasons, their inevitable deaths will be labeled honorable and possibly prove useful to American corporations.. March 24. McCain Mountain News Bunker B |
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| McCain All McThumbs Embraces Bush legacy of incompetence, dishonesty, failure... John McCain didn't go to Yale like George Bush and apparently isn't intelligent enough to realize the extent of the damage done by his good friend, the worst President in the history of the United States. Can America survive a President with an IQ 30 points below George Bush? March 22. Washington D.C. Dumbfest and OTB |
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| Senator McWrong In Iraq McCain goes all the way to Iraq to make stupid gaffes... In an Iraq news conference, McCain said over and over that Iran was arming Al Qaeda. Oops! He was 100% wrong. Lieberman finally wiped the shock off his face and whispered in McCain's ear. "Al Qaeda is armed by Sunnis not Shiites". McCain apologized for the gaffes but looked dumb as mud doing so. March 21. Green Zone News Bunker Iraq |
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| One Nation Under God Sunday sermons plead "Can't we all just get along?"... Probably not when five hundred times as many people will watch "American Idol" than hear any plea for brotherhood and unity. March 19. Pennsylvania Utopian Church of Blissful Unity |
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| Mitt McRomney Vies for VP "I'd be honored to serve McCain's second term as President"... Mitt McRomney mentioned that there would still be labor unions to bust and corporate tax breaks to invent after the inevitable accelerated aging cycle and possible Alzheimer's affects President McCain. March 17. Pennsylvania Accuary Records Room |
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| New Ad Is Mac Attack Mac puckers up despite 7 years of backstabbing and bullying... Senator John McCain is considered tough by many but his seventy year old knees still get wobbly in eager anticipation of dutifully and patriotically serving this President of the United States. March 6. White House Semi-Annual Presidential Ass Kissing Contest |
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| Bush Likes Mac Sandwich Senator resists urge to cold cock Bush during endorsement... With both fists clenched and jaw locked John McCain accepted the official "Kiss of Death" endorsement. Political analysts say better now than later. March 5. White House BBQ Pit and Horseshoe Court |
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| Straight-Arm Express Spry septuagenarian Senator surges as Democrats squabble... While Obama and Hillary do battle in the middle of the field McCain is making a big run straight past them and rising in national poll numbers. February 27. Ohio State Fantasy Football Workouts |
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| Mitt And Mac Make Up Latest Romney flip flop has him playing McCain's Valentine... Just days ago they were hurling insults at each other. Today they were more like Valentine's Day sweethearts. February 14. Republican Valentine's Day Dance and Buffet |
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| McCain Wins In Virginia Senator McCain outruns late charge by Huckabee for victory... McCain also won in Maryland and has a huge lead in convention delegates. February 12. Virginia Downs Raceway |
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| McCain Warns Terrorists I'm comin' ta getcha boooooooooooooooooooooooo... Imagine a man surviving five brutal years of beatings as a POW and then giving that same man total control of all the might and power of the United States Armed Forces. February 10. McCain Mountain Nuclear Bunker B |
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| McCain Claims Victory Senator returns from battle without opponents heads... Former Governors Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee escaped the battlefields with their lives and both vowed to continue the fight but John McCain now has a commanding lead in delegates. February 6. McCain Mountain AZ |
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| Felt Like An Endorsement McCain and Bob Dole swap 157 years worth of memories... Bob Dole wrote a letter to Rush Limbaugh defending John McCain who is under a non-stop verbal assault by right wing radio talk show hosts who don't think McCain is conservative enough... February 4. Institute of Erectile Dysfunction |
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| Enemy Combatants McCain and Romney joust fiercely at Reagan Library debate... Republicans McCain and Romney just don't like each other and the mudslinging launched McCain into his firebreathing warrior mode. These two are in a deathmatch... January 31. Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and OTB |
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| Mmmm Fightin Fer Florida Sailor McCain packin a punch, works for Florida knockout... John McCain isn't taking any time off to applaud any George Bush speech in Washington D.C. and will be in Florida working like a sailor on shore leave until Tuesday... January 27. USS Miami Vice Attack and Sink'em Starboard Bow |
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| Rambo Works For McCain Says Walker Texas Ranger can run but he can't hide... Senator John McCain wasn't about to be intimidated by the reputation of Walker Texas Ranger, who supports Huckabee. Not when John Rambo is one of his most fervant supporters... January 26. Swanee River Thai Restaurant and OTB |
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| McCain Wins Bush Country South Carolina victory is personal redemption for McCain... South Carolina has been the sight of many of Senator John McCain's most embarrassing moments so his hard fought Republican primary victory felt especially heartwarming... January 20. Bush Country Museum and OTB Myrtle Beach SC |
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| McCain Passes Romney Senator waging furious rally less than 2 furlongs from wire... Senator John McCain was so far back he was in another zip code before launching his Silky Sullivan rally. He's made up more than 25 lengths to catch and pass a the rubber legged frontrunner, Mitt Romney... January 6. Manchester Downs Raceway Infield Snackbar |
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| McCain Surging At 1/4 Pole Sheer force of will powering gutwrenching comeback rally... After a string of important newspaper endorsements Senator John McCain is staging a huge rally at the top of the strech and has made up as many as 15 lengths in New Hampshire on frontrunner Mitt Romney... December 24. Manchester Downs Raceway |
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| McCain: Grunts Not Ready Claims these Gomer Pyles lack experience to lead military... New Hampshire's biggest newspaper has endorsed Senator John McCain saying that no other Republican candidate is remotely as qualified as John McCain is to be Commander in Chief.. December 18. Fort Dukakis NH |
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| McCain Blasts Huckabee Says Mike lacks military and foreign policy experience... Senator John McCain says the middle of a war is not the right time for on the job training and especially when it comes to promoting a Pfc to Commander in Chief. December 14. Fort Dukakis Tank Testing Track |
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| McCain Hunting For Blimp Senator McCain says Ron Paul advocates surrender in Iraq... McCain, a former Navy pilot, also claims blimps are indefensible and totally useless in the current Iraq War. December 13. Aames Iowa Archery Range and OTB |
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| TV Debate May Be Torture Senator McCain's Mom says YouTube TV debate was torture... McCain's Mom says she doesn't want to waste electricity on the big screen TV that Johnny bought her just to watch little pictures in little square boxes the same size as her old 17" Zenith. November 29. McCain Mountain OTB |
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| McCain's Tobacco History McCain is related to famous Native-American Mister Smokes... The family resemblance is striking at this Tombstone, Arizona liquor store where Mister Smokes' statue stands watch in the cigar section. Mister Smokes was a POW at Ft. Apache in the 1860's. November 3. Mister Smokes Liquor Store |
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| GOP Race A Classic Tale Aesop may have written the familiar story of 2008 race... The hare was out in front after 10,000 television commercials but the tortoise was determined and would not quit. October 20. Merrimack River Trail in New Hampshire |  |
| Senator Sings New Song McCain claims to be a bridge over troubled waters of war... Arizona Senator John McCain said his own military service gives him the experience to successfully lead the country in the current and coming wars. October 2. Concord City Center Park |
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| McCain's Private Militia McCain contracts Blackwater for house to house campaign... A campaign insider explained that some New Hampshire neighborhoods might be dangerous to canvass due to heated anti-war sentiment in the local population. September 26. Manchester City Park and Parade Grounds |  |
| McCain Finds His Religion Senator McCain meets with Mother Teresa to dispel doubts... After the meeting McCain said he accepted Mother Teresa's recommedations adding it's human to have doubts at times but what's important is that John's Baptiscopalian faith is still strong. September 18. Myrtle Beach Raceway Garden Area |
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| McCain In Baghdad Derby Other candidates not ready to commit to horseracing in Iraq... John McCain has entered Baghdad's first Grade I stakes horserace, the twice postponed $2 Million Baghdad Derby. Iraqi oddsmakers say the current line is 1 to 9 against McCain finishing the race with or without other entries. September 13. Baghdad Downs Raceway Bunker #8 |  |
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