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| Daily Racing Rag SPECIAL REPORT: The Presidential Campaign of Representative Ron Paul R-TX |
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 Ron Paul Goes HomeWinless campaign wants to avoid embarrassing defeat... "If I were to lose the primary for my congressional seat, all our opponents would react with glee, and pretend it was a rejection of our ideas. I cannot and will not let that happen". Feb 9. Texas Downs Advance Bet Window |  |
 Paul 72 Year Old MaidenRon Paul has not won a race anywhere but has plenty of cash... Texas Congressman Ron Paul credits his barn for raising the money to keep him on the track despite no first or second place finishes. "Just feeding the horse has to be expensive"... January 26. Ron Paul Paddock Area CSI Miami Downs |
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| Paul's Saucer Shot Down Air Force mistakenly shoots down $6 million flying saucer... Paul's campaign has been forced to switch to a hot air balloon to save money. Ron Paul thought the saucer project had been abandoned but since he has zero control over his own campaign the project went forward anyway. December 26. Manchester International Airport |
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| Paul's Pimp Blacklash "I was exflabbergasted and want my donation refunded now!"... The Ron Paul campaign scored $500 from a Florida white power group but now an exasperated Miami Pimpmaster wants his cash back by midnight... December 21. Miami Massage and Racketball OTB |
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| Paul Feeds The Masses Mrs. Paul's fish sticks replaced on Christmas dinner menu... Ron Paul decided to switch to the favorite food of his internet political advisors, Jesse The Spam Clown and Trigger, because Ron Paul's people just love Spam. December 16. Manchester HotSpot Raceway Cafe OTB |
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| Pimp Pads Paul's Poll Bunny Ranch brothel owner to raise money for Ron Paul... Ron Paul advisor, Jesse the Spam Clown, says Ron Paul believes in freedom and there's no mention of pimps and hos in the U.S. Constitution. December 5. Bunny Ranch Nevada OTB |
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| 2nd Paul Blimp Grounded Misspelling forces cancellation of two blimp campaign... Ron Paul spokesman, Jessie the Spam Clown, said the error was regrettably due to a Brownsville, Texas sign painting contractor's use of non-english speaking painters who where later fired. December 1. Brownsville Downs Ractrack and Homeless Shelter |
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| Paul Wins Diaper Derby Paul poll shows babies prefer former baby doctor by 94% ... Ron Paul advisor, Jesse the Spam Clown, says with the immature and restless tilt of our core supporter's psyche we needed a poll where Dr. Paul could win every day and now we have it. November 21. Des Moines Day Care Center OTB |
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| Feds Pinch Paul's Pennies Illegal currency seized in predawn raid on Ron Paul's pals ... The Feds seized two tons of copper coins bearing the likeness of Congressman Ron Paul after complaints by an Indiana wishing well operator. No arrests were made. November 16. Indianapolis Gallery of 500 Games OTB |
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| Ron Paul's Constitutional Rep. Paul furious over foot tapping in GOP mens room... Newly installed wiretaps recorded Paul's outburst yesterday morning at what another Republican Congressman said was just a practical joke. October 18. House of Representatives GOP Mens Room |
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| Paul Nets Holy Mackerel! Ron Paul shocks anglers by hauling in a whopping $5 million... Congressman Paul said the school lunch fish stick generation has started a internet political revolution and they're welcome aboard his boat. October 4. Portsmouth Seafood Festival |
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| Paul Skips Baghdad Derby Congressman prefers pig racing at the Texas State Fair ... Ron Paul's maverick preference for pig racing is a risky position that likely won't receive any support or make any friends with established interests in the horseracing industry. September 22. Texas State Fair Pig Racing Grandstand |  |
| Paul Prepares Spaceship 73 year old will take cult followers to distant planet... Sources say if his presidential bid fails Congressman Paul will gather his most faithful devotees and leave Earth for another planet. Ron Paul is perhaps best known for his role as TV's "My Favorite Martian". May 22. Texas Downs Advance Bet Window | |
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